Saturday, March 23, 2019

Dolmenwood: 30 Rumors Overheard

What follows was part of the same project as Gifts for Dolmenwood Classes, which I might finish up at some point when times are more certain. The idea for the rumors overheard were that they were dialogues or conversations heard at a feast, in a pub, et cetera; they are the epitome of gossip had by folks with drinks in their hands who want others to engage with them as they speak on these topics. Such rumors are, most likely, not fully true; but could help spark seeds of adventures down the line.

Though looking back on that post, I notice I forgot to update it for the Crowmaster & Woad Rager classes. I suppose, given my own additions to my homebrew Dolmenwooding, I ought to add Ratlings & Wosemen items before I post an update to the gifts. I have some ideas in mind...

Anyhow, here are 30 Rumors Overheard - Dolmenwood.



Rumors Overheard in the Dolmenwood [d30]

1.       “Heard there’s some lunatic up in the Fever Marshes, says he’s found a cheese that can cure damn near anything.”“…How does one find cheese in the Fever Marshes of all places?” “Oh that’s…I really don’t want to think on that.”

2.       “The Goat-Lords are at it again, bet this war is going to torch the whole damn High Wold.”“Wouldn’t that get fairies involved?”“Oh God, just what we need. Bloody fairy politicking with the longhorns.” “Maybe we’ll be dead by then.”

3.       “The Watchers are planning something. Something foul!”“What?”“Probably something active and wicked.”“…Would that make them the Actors?”“What?” “Like, they watched now they acted.”“…Talking about the bleeding end times and you’re cracking wise?”

4.       “I saw my cousin the other day, got bloody bewitched.”“Ain’t no such thing as witches.”“Tis true. He’s a woman now, stumbled out the woods blathering about a witch god what took his beater.”“..And you're sure this is your cousin, not a she-bandit what's gonna rob you blind in your sleep?”“Again? Bloody unlikely. I hope.”

5.       “I heard the Havenlanders might try to claim all Emeraude under some sort of Protectorate.” “The fuck is a Havenlander?” “They’re a bunch of gloomy dirt-eating sods.” “Oh…Think they’d tax us worse than Hogwarsh and Lucien?”

6.       “I heard The Royal College of Sorcery has all but boycotted the Sardineers Club.” “Woglemain pay with gilded leaves again?” “No clue, but nothing good can come from wizards and rich boys fighting.” “Well…maybe if they killed one another.”

7.       “The Venerable Laurenne was seen wandering the wold near Goatman territory.” “Maybe she’ll convert a few of the bastards.” “Or be eaten.” “Maybe her blessed flesh will convert a few of the bastards.” “Possibly into corpses.”

8.       “Oh lord, Shadwell and Furroughby are at it again last I heard. You hear this?” “Aye yeah, something about digging up a lost Goman city.” “Sure that won’t bring us curses.” “Or wretched undead.” “Fecking bastards, hope they choke.”

9.       “Got myself a bit of ink at the Roost.” “Yeah? How many venereal diseases you catch as well?” “…I don’t think I caught any.” “I heard they use all sorts of nasty stuff, you can never be too sure.” “Never in my life had I heard that. Thanks for this new needless worry, ya prat.”

10.    “Lord Borrid says he’s going to host a grand hunt come autumn, but I hear he needs men as soon as winter thaws.” “Oh yeah?” “Yeah. Gotta hire some poor blokes to capture the beasts he’ll let those frilly-pantsed nobles hunt come fall.”

11.    “It’s a conspiracy. Shydewicke don’t throttle folk.” “Oh? And you know this how? You friends with the Shade?” “I’m just saying, man’s a thief not a highwayman proper. Those bodies were mangled.” “Well, stranger things do happen…”

12.    “You been to Brandybile’s as of late?” “Not for a year and a day, why’s that?” “I hear some cult done filched his last four shipments of Lunden twill with them lil’green stone beads.” “Anyone find’em?” “Nah. That money’s just laying out.”

13.    “Got me a new knife, Jorye of Lankshorn made it.” “Oh, bad tidings there. Boy’s a devil-worshipper.” “WHAT?” “His blades cut keener than God intends and he’s got nasty pagan marks in his shop. I’d toss the knife” “…But I like me knife.”

14.    “One of the Sardineers wants to burn down Man of Gold, and I won’t be surprised if he does.” “What happened now?” “The rich boy wanted to please his wife so he went there, bought a special herb, and he’s been sporting a spike down there ever since. Been going nigh on three weeks.” “…That’s too long however ya cut it.”

15.    “..And then Sir Waverly just straight up had that knight beaten with clubs.” “Well you don’t accuse a man of corking his lance.” “But he usually takes those banters, especially from knights, in good humor.” “Probably gonna have some bad petty squabbles because of this.” “Oh aye, or worse. An expensive tournament.”

16.    “I heard ol’Thornwaif might be fleeing to the Havenlands.” “Didn’t she melt someone’s face off?” “Nah, but someone bought acid from her and melted someone’s face off. So, won’t be surprised.” “Damn shame. Already heard enough to find her stuff on the market. I like her little firecrackers.”

17.    “The Ducal Surveyor’s Guild is looking to re-evaluate taxes throughout the wold.” “Oh bloody great. The crowners show up yet?” “Already at Castle Brackenwold, building up a large troupe to break knees and steal money.” “Well, from the land-holders maybe. We should be fine, right?” “We ever really fine?”

18.    “Damn shame, I was told Paronax the Enwisened was going to be here.” “Didn’t take you for a friend to wizarding folk.” “Well I met him on the road not too long ago and he was blathering on about hiring on for some frog-catching for his research. Said he’d pay a king’s ransom.” “Can’t trust no wizards, friend.”

19.    “Mostlemyre damn near shat himself when he saw that coin I found.” “Magic?” “Old, possibly Goman, possibly fairy but like very old fairy.” “And you found that in your latrine?” “Aye, and now the bloke wants to fund a dig.” “In your latrine?”

20.    “Bishop is probably going to excommunicate Father Dobey.” “Why’s that?” “Well the man beds himself with goats.” “…Actual goats or she-goatmen?” “I always took him for a schemer.” “Aye, but you feck one goat and here you are…”

21.    “Merridwyn Scymes is making monsters out there in the woods, I swear to God, the One and True!” “…I mean, yeah, likely. But the woods are already bleeding fearsome and you said the same thing about Friar Baldry last month.”

22.    “Every night he’s screaming about owls! Owls this, owls that! Owls he says are taking him out of bed at night and poking him in the bum with silver tools.” “Well that’s…why’d you marry him again?” “I thought he’d be dead by now, honestly.”

23.    “Damn barrowbogey stole my father’s urn and gave all my boys a fever.” “That’s bold of them. You going to kill’em?” “For my boys, sure. But let them contend with that cantankerous old bastard now.” “Father still haunting you then?” “Well, not anymore.”

24.    “I saw old Dewidort up on that road that night, gave me a fearful fright.” “Dewidort’s a folktale,  a dead old birk of little consequence.” “Dead as yesterday, ‘e was. But standing all the same” “How much have you had to drink?”

25.    “Greydobe installed a new safe.” “Castle Brackenwold?” “Nah, he was carting it north. Lovely box, silver and gold. Hard to imagine what’ll go in it.” “Duke Lucien know?” “I figure he must.” “Well, that’s not gonna end well.”

26.    “The ruined abbey should really be refurbished at some point.” “Or we could build a new one.” “That’s damn wasteful. The abbey has history.” “The abbey is haunted and a den of thieves and witches.” “Oh ye of little faith and great idiocy.”

27.    “Philontimus was holding council with moss dwarfs, trying to learn how to talk to mushrooms or something.” “So glad our tithing goes to pay a lunatic out of Odd to speak with dirt and spores.” “I doubt they’d have much to say.” “The dwarfs or the fungus?” “Probably both. Whole thing stinks to high heavens.”

28.    “I hear the Watchers are plotting a coup against Hogwarsh.” “Well, at least they’ll be out of the forest for a bit. Seen me some of their womenfolk. I’m fixing to court one.” “That seems like a bad idea.” “Why?” “Probably watching you right now. Fixing to turn you into a newt.”

29.    “Spathewhat’s been acting strange.” “Didn’t you get a wedding band from there?” “Yeah.Ring’s been acting strange too. Glows a little at night. The spouse loves it, though they’re acting awful cruel about it.” “That why you here alone?”

30. “…So I told him to take the Runny-Root Challenge.” “Oh no.” “Oh yes. Shantywood, Oaf in the Oast, the Crimson Bath, the Jaunty Horn, and the Mannish Miser.” “Poor lad’s going to be dead by the end of it.” “Or his root will run-off. It’s what he gets for laying his oats about town.” “And he agreed to this?” “Only way I’ll take him back, I said, and the lecherous twit believed me.”

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