Sunday, May 12, 2019

OSE/BX: Cats of the Wildwood (2 of 2)

A continuation of the previous article; five more cats, and some further randomization listings for making them unique. The statistic line for cats, so as to make them useful in OSE, is as follows:

AC 9 [10], HD 1/2 (1hp), Att 1 x Natural Weapons (1d3-2), THAC0 19 [+0], MV 40' (25'), SV 16, ML 5, AL N, XP 5, NA Solitary or 1d3 (as Pets), 1d4+1 (as Feral Cats), 1d8+2 (as Alley Cats Pack).

I think I got the ascending/descending AC right, as well as THAC0 to Base Attack Bonus/To Hit Bonus. I'll compile a good portion of this up later in a pdf, with a revised Dogs of Dolmenwood; so as to allow for more ease of use.

But first, a much belated return to me writing about cats.



6. The Sweeperskit is a boon companion of the tenement house and the villein, as it preys on all manner of household vermin and pesky birds, and also assists in the cleaning of ones hearth. Sweeperskits are narrow things, with bulbous eyes nearly always of blue, and faces coated in a sooty point of black fur. They make use of spindly powerful limbs to climb up inside of chimneys during the day, basking in the latent heat of a previous night's fire, coating their fur in sooty ash, and killing any bird which might attempt to make its nest within. Their name comes from a habit of many a chimney-sweep simply placing such a cat in the chimney of a customer, letting it clear out any debris.

Sweeperskits are kindly to anything warm, and many are used in hospice care for the infirm as a means of keeping up body temperature. The internal temperature of a Sweeperskit is unnaturally high, such that if they were to sit in a vessel of water (which they would not appreciate) they could bring the water to a vague simmer in about five minutes with their violent vibrations. They are very lazy when not provided with a hearth, as such many a gentleman have been known to wear a live one as a stole under their winter coats.



7. The Bellworthy cat is a common breed, often found in the backwater parishes hunting fieldmice and making comfortable dens in floral fields. Notable for their ears which perk up and uniquely fold so as to make the feline appear to be wearing either a papal tiara or a church bell. Bellworthy cats of great pedigree have been found in the portraits of religious leaders for centuries, and more than a few saints have proclaimed them as being the only cat who can sense the fiendish familiars which often assume feline form; and thus by some Divine Grace, Bellworthy cats are unable to be possessed by evil. But such documentation regarding cats being possessed by demons is esoteric at best, and such powers are best left to old maid's tales.

Bellyworthy cats are of capricious and friendly attitude to most; though they are purely outdoor cats and if not allowed to frolic and hunt field vermin they will succumb to depression and overindulge in whatever scrap food they can manage to consume, often resulting in obesity. Bellworthy cats are held in esteem by the Host of Martyrs and the Fraternal Church of the Stone Dove; and any servant of the One True God will likely hold the owner of a well-kept Bellworthy cat as a person of good and honest means.

8. Ogrekit are of a sad reputation, for in truth they are incredibly loving creatures of great intelligence; enough to rival a tipple-drunk Grimalkin if one is being honest. They are round, spud-lie in shape, with narry much to their neck; their limbs are stubby but powerful and their claws always seem to be extended fully. Their face is better described as merely a maw, as if someone had taken the mouth of a lion and placed it unchanged in size upon the much smaller cat. Its eyes are beady, often oblong and uneven, and seem to possess an infinite sadness---as well as eye crusties that are a tarnished, tarry black. They are, according to legend, the cats born into the homes of ogreish and brutish men. Most believe them to be vicious, prone to violence, and the devourers of children and filth.

This is all hogwash, of course. Any owner of an Ogrekit knows them to be kind, loyal, and loving. They are hefty creatures, and their clacking nails upon the floors of a home are notable enough as if to announce to the One True God that the creature is a-coming. A notable trait perhaps where part of their reputation comes from, is how an Ogrekit seems to enjoy the consumption of snails (shells and all) and oozes. Its iron gullet seems to allow it to consume such things in abundance, albeit making the kit both gassy and gurgling for the remainder of the day.

Wilfred the Cat, who is just delightful.


9. Eyewideners may very well be a lesser sort of demon than a proper cat, as they are scabrous, cyclopean, leathery feline-esque creatures which possess an uncanny malice and a penchant for the consumption of spectral energies. Witches and wizards of great potential may conjure an Eyewidener out from whatever dark space within the dreamspace or mythic underworld they originate in; though enough have escaped their masters to occasionally appear in the elf-haunted groves and fetid grottos of the mortal world. They do not yowl or mew, their sound is a hissing cackle; like a tea pot boiling over while a snake is cooked alive inside it.

Eyewideners rest on the heads of their owners, and in mutual slumber the master is revealed terrible cosmic truths; such that upon awakening the owner is able to see invisible creatures for a scant number of minutes; with such creatures appearing as vague misty shapes. Eyewideners, despite their frightening appearance, have been known to be used by witch-finders and charlatans alike in the combating of wicked spirits or the removal of haunts. 

10. Common Wodecat are notably the most common sort of wild cat to be found in the woods and fields of the world, a mish-mashed blend of various breeds which appears otherwise like a normal village cat save for being a bit longer across the torso. Wodecats are renown climbers and can leap a good twenty feet from branch to branch. Arboreal hunters by nature, they feast primarily upon squirrels and small songbirds, whose eggs they enjoy swallowing whole. Their only true rival and competition in their hunts would be owls, whom they view with a vicious rivalry more befitting a dwarf in viewing of goblinoids than in such common creatures.

Wodecats are adequate pets, though often better left to roosting in a barn than being brought into the house proper. They view everything as beneath them, often quite literary, and if not given adequate room to climb and view from above they will cause a ruckus. They will clear out most vermin in a farm within a matter of days, expanding outward until they find a high enough place to perch and wait for more food to fill the gap.



What's unique about my cat? [d20]
1. It has a stubby naked tail, sort of like having a big nipple coming off its rump.
2. It has several additional toes on each foot and enjoys placing those on your face.
3. It gives often painful "love" bites, as if tenderizing your flesh for consumption.
4. It carries baby animals, like rats or possum, upon its back until it decides to kill them.
5. It always seems to be eating bees and hornets...
6. It enjoys licking your overly sensitive bits of skin with an extra sand-papery tongue.
7. It seems to urinate on things you enjoy when it is upset with you.
8. It wakes you up every morning by biting at your nose and screaming.
9. It seems to sway its head and spin when music is played, as if dancing.
10. It never takes its eyes off of a spiritual entity, as if a staring contest might hold it at bay.
11. When fed raw fish it only eats the heads.
12. It enjoys bringing you "treasures," which consist mostly of mutilated vermin.
13. It hates your traveling companions and toots in their general direction.
14. It hates the smell of alcohol and is always tipping over cups and bottles of the stuff.
15. It has notched and mangled ears.
16. Whenever it coughs up a hairball, the hairball seems to be a twitching mass until you blink.
17. It gets into mewling conversations with other cats and looks at you judgingly if you notice.
18. It enjoys screaming at the most unpleasant of times.
19. It likes to rub its head into pungent items, drooling all the while.
20. It constantly "bleps" out its tongue, like it is trying to play a woodpipe.

My cat is... [d12]
1. A lazy lump of a potato, save for when I need a moment to relax and then it has energy...
2. An elegant beast which demands more attention than it really deserves.
3. Not really my cat, it does what it pleases and I just get to witness its greatness by proximity.
4. An adequate bane to tiny crawling things which wish to spoil my house and kit.
5. Good company and soothing to pet after a hard day's work.
6. One of those cats that thinks its a dog. This causes no small amount of chaos.
7. A wild animal and I always seem to forget that. It loves reminding me.
8. More loving than any romantic companion and will never leave me.
9. An ugly little scrotum goblin who I would die for.
10. A snuggling companion who provides me comfort.
11. A maniac creature who will be the death of me.
12. A precious little baby, no matter how fat and old they are.

Next Up: I have a mostly completed Vagabond class I want to give another run-through before I publish, as well as a starting generator for Dolmenwooding purposes. I might put out some character deeds; which are little things that encourage play style which I've used before in games.

Also the Rakehell revision layout is done, it needs a few corrections and I'm putting the pamphlets in it; and then testing a proof; it should be on sale as soon as I get that; hopefully within a week or two. 

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Dolmenwood by the Dozen: Grey Sally



Grey Sally
AC 9 [11], HD 2 (9hp), Att 1 × knife (1d4), THAC0 19 [+1 to Hit], MV 60’ (20’), SV D13 W14 P13 B16 S15 (M1), ML 6, AL CN, XP 45, NA Unique. 
  • Mistress of Moppets: Grey Sally can control any raggamuffin moppets she can see, infusing them with an extra +1d4 HP and increasing their damage by one dice degree. Moppets outside her view are considerably weaker. 
  • Hand of Pentacles: Grey Sally would prefer to read a person's tarot than fight them.
  • Enemy of Clewdites: Grey Sally is considered to have Morale 10 when fighting against Clewdites and their plots.
Raggamuffin Moppet
AC 6 [14], HD 2 (7hp), Att 1 × slash (1d4), THAC0 18 [+2 to Hit], MV 60’ (20’), SV D12 W14 P14 B15 S16 (F1), ML N/A, AL C, XP 30, NA 1d3.
  • Surprise: Hides as discarded strands of cloth and fabric, surprise on a 1-4 when not expected.
  • Immunities: As animated fabric, moppets are immune to psychic damage, poison, and most forms of enchantment which boggles the minds of victims. 
  • Flammable: Fire damage does double damage.
  • Lightweight: Raggamuffin moppets can levitate and move double when caught in a breeze. They are easily blown away by gusts of wind.
Sally of the Old Wold wasn’t always so grey, she was a pretty thing once; she walked the path of many colours and experienced the glens and fells of the Dolmenwood in the ways that only a wanderer and friend to the Elflands can. She was a prismatic soul, and any bit of good fortune that shined upon her would be reflected in beautiful fortune upon all those who witnessed her. She had a dance in her step and a laugh to her voice which would remind a young man of why he must live and an old man of why life was worth living.

This was before she made herself an enemy of the Clewdites. The incident was stricken from the records as anything more than just some “woodfolk knave” the wizards encountered on the road. She cannot speak of it, but those who can see magic note the sight of many a baleful polymorph upon her person; scars on her back almost look like the screaming faces of frogs. No one cared about what these wicked men did; they held true power in the arcane and the ear of the Bishop of Brackenwold; they were of power. She was not.

Her friends in the Elflands, who once watched her dance and sing and sway through the woods, offered her a means of revenge in exchange for the last vestiges of her lingering joy of who she was once. The elfs stole away her colors, her skin, her hair, her eyes; all that she wears, all that she eats; a somber ashen shade of grey. Her voice now monotone, unfit to sing; no laughter to be had, only a small smile and a wicked glint to her eye when she plays with the boon she gained in exchange. She dresses in drab black, with ribbons of grey around her neck and in her hair. She seems drained and tired, angry and drowned in a distant violence.

Grey Sally wields the Hand of Pentacles, a gift the faeries pilfered from the Clewdites; a suit of cards from a tarot deck. When she displays the cards aflot in the air, they are struck by wicked powers from the beyond. She’s thus far used these cards to shift the fates of rogues and agents she sends to abuse the Clewdites. In exchange for threads and hairs from the Clewdites, she’ll change your fortunes too. The Pentacles do strange things to the Future, by revealing something wicked in the past and forcing a strangeness in the present.

Those who know themselves a proper tarot will notice she does not ever draw the Knave of Pentacles, the card itself kept bound in cord made from the stolen threads. She uses it with a whisper of words, “Such colors,” she says; and any latent clothing in her environs springs to life as a raggamuffin moppet.

She can be found anywhere in the wood, often upon the road in her derelict and half-destroyed wagon.

To have a player receive a reading from Grey Sally, roll a d12, three times and assemble the notes below. The words in bold, if she speaks with emphasis, causes a change to the character’s past, force motion to the character’s present, and change the character’s future; if so desired. Fortune telling is a fickle practice after all.

The Past Card [d12]
1. The Ace of Pentacles. “You come from a place of plenty, but of ignorance, innocence. You hurt someone, and not someone you realized you were hurting. You denied them a chance of the plenty by your ignorant wicked ways.”
2.  The Two of Pentacles. “You have long struggled under the shadow of another in your life, they have prevented you from being your true self. You are still under their sway, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.”
3. The Three of Pentacles. “You have a talent, a skill, a reason to be respected. But you are undone by a moment of assumed banality, you know this moment was misread. But it lingers, it weighs upon you.”
4. The Four of Pentacles. “In a moment of dragon-sickness, of greed; you put yourself above another. They know you did this, and they do not forgive you. No matter what it is they’ve said, they still hold a hatred in their hearts.”
5. The Five of Pentacles. “Oh, no. I’m sorry. Your life has been grim and hard fought. Your indecision, however, has caused further harm. You prolonged the suffering you’ve been in, to your own pain and that of another…”
6. The Six of Pentacles. “You had a period of great need and stress, and few were kind during it. You know who your true friends are, at least...you believe this to be true.”
7. The Seven of Pentacles. “You’ve made poor commitments, and the damages of which still haunt you. I cannot say what it is you should do, but I am sorry for your burdens.”
8. The Eight of Pentacles. “You have long worked upon a skill, upon a craft of sorts… Patience however, rewarded you nothing. Just more toil. Things will change, in time.”
9. The Nine of Pentacles. “My how comfortable you have come to be. But your old fear, it knows you. It is waiting. It has not engaged with you yet, it wants you to suffer truly for having thought it a distant memory.”
10. The Ten of Pentacles. “The affluent, the wealthy, the powerful. You have long suffered by the hand of the rich. They know you revile them, even if you might desire to stand among them. They are planning something….something wicked.”
11. The Knight of Pentacles. “Through stubbornness or being set in your ways, you have courted disaster. The current travails you face are born from this sense of self, which is entirely misplaced.”
12. The King of Pentacles. “ You indulged too heavily in earthly delights, and now you have many an enemy who saw your actions and wish to put you to ground as a result. Such is the price of any pleasure in this world, yes?”

The Present Card [d12]
1. The Ace of Pentacles. “You find yourself in a place of flowers, of wealth, of glory and pride. You will hurt someone by gaining such treasures. What matters from now, is if you’ll care?”
2.  The Two of Pentacles. “You have learned how to balance the many issues in life, or at least how important it is to do such a thing. Others will disrupt your balance, unless you can find a way to make them live in your shadow.”
3. The Three of Pentacles. “You are skilled in your workings, but another views you as a worthless degradation on the craft. They challenge you, even if only to your back. None will take you seriously with this issue in play…”
4. The Four of Pentacles. “Huh. Curious. The Pentacles say there is great fortune on your horizon, material wealth that will test your morality and your mental acumen. We will see what such wealth does to you…”
5. The Five of Pentacles. “I am...so sorry. Your love, your faith in another, will be tested and likely lost. You will lose your security, and your purpose. But in doing so, perhaps you will find your true purpose yes? Let us draw another card…”
6. The Six of Pentacles. “You’re finding your balance, this is good. Many are imbalanced. But you will be tested. Desire will challenge your vigilance, and you must determine that which you will be bound to forever more…”
7. The Seven of Pentacles. “Your commitments are misplaced but you are young enough on the road to take the forest for the trees. Be careful how you invest your emotions and your energy, lest it be misspent.”
8. The Eight of Pentacles. “Hmm…. You will be granted a chance of work, work that will really show you to be what you are. But it may also spell your death, or worse; your infamy, if not properly handled….”
9. The Nine of Pentacles. “ Fatal proximity to danger is fast awaiting you, and you are ignorant. You must be wise and sophisticated quickly, lest you fall to an uncertain and wretched doom.”
10. The Ten of Pentacles. “Family, however that is defined by you, is at the root of this card. Family will distract you from proper gain, but in denying family you may lose them. Is family worth more than riches to you?”
11. The Knight of Pentacles. “You have a chance to grapple with radical truth. You will be confronted by those who deny such truths to you, and you must ask yourself if truth is worth the violence it takes to attain, yes?”
12. The King of Pentacles. “You have a potential for great wealth, for a crown, for all your joys on the horizon.  You will encounter great misery before you attain any of this. Will it be worth it?”

The Future Card [d12]
1. The Ace of Pentacles. “You will be forced to make a terrible sacrifice, losing much of what you hold dear. Others will be richer for it, healthier for it; alive for it. You however, will be forever broken, to save them. I could invert this, if you wish. Others will suffer, your friends will suffer, for your wealth and health.
2.  The Two of Pentacles. “You will find self-actualization and care for the self, but you will break the wills of others and make them serve you. I could invert this, but then you would be lost to ignorance so others might have a sense of self.”
3. The Three of Pentacles. “You will be a master yourself, if you make this your only focus in life. However, I could change this for you… If you abandon your crafts to live a life of indignity, many new masters will rise to fill your place. One or the many.
4. The Four of Pentacles. “You will be awash in wealth, but if you spend it you will fall. You would have to be cautious, but if you were of a wiser sort I could invert this. You would have little in coin, but the friendship of many would easily come to you.”
5. The Five of Pentacles. “You will find the end of your quest, and the long journey you’ve faced will end. But you will be destitute and troubled forever more once this task is completed. I’m sorry. I could change this. If you abandon hope now, you may find joy in other places in your life.”
6. The Six of Pentacles. “You shall have joy, bountiful joy! But...it can so easily be taken away, and in knowing this, your joy will ring hollow. I can change this of course, a swoop of the card my friend, don’t worry. But then all you will have is security against your rials and unending envy for this joy denied.”
7. The Seven of Pentacles. “You shall have your desires, but you must flee! Flee and leave this life behind! Your new life shall be better, yes? If not, I can change this. I can defy fate for you. You will remain in your comfortable place, but be scorned by your desires. A terrible fate, but man can adapt yes?”
8. The Eight of Pentacles. “You will have the trophies you so desire, deep in your heart. But lo, such vanity will see you suffer. I can change this. You will know only the void of failed ambition, but find comfort in cunning and skill you’ve yet to let flourish.”
9. The Nine of Pentacles. “You will choose not to act upon your power at a critical moment. Perhaps you are a coward, or perhaps you will find yourself so easily seduced to comfort. With a twist of this card, I can change your fate. You will act upon your power, but the future will be then uncertain and filled with rivals.”
10. The Ten of Pentacles. “As I draw this card, you will have wealth but no love. I can change this, perhaps you will find value in having love without wealth. The choice is yours, friend. An empty heart or an empty purse.”
11. The Knight of Pentacles. “The Knight demands action. You will carry on in a vicious cycle, perpetuating it and not questioning why. This can be shifted, but in your questioning and denial of the cycle, you will find yourself riddled with mysteries.”
12. The King of Pentacles. “I beg your pardon, but your ego will lead you into misery and hedonism. You will care for status over the self. I can change this, I can save you; but in doing so you will deny yourself joy, for the betterment of others and for lackings of the self.”



What about the Queen of Pentacles? Grey Sally has to keep it close to her heart so as to stave off the numbness which has so depleted further joy from her life. It demands further vengeance on the Clewdites, and it makes her feel content in her unnatural pallor.

Regarding Vagabonds & Clewdites
To wizards who are of an organized look (i.e. they don’t look like weirdos proper), she’ll be terse and cold. If they make it known they’re Clewdites, she’ll sic her beautiful raggamuffins moppets upon them when she has the upper hand. She cannot stand the Clewdites, and really anyone from Castle Brackenwold is deserving of pain as far as she’s concerned.

Helping Grey Sally
Grey Sally, if given time in the company of women who are kind, wizards (or Clewdites) who are genuinely empathetic and helpful, and the presence of Vagabond men who attempt to reconcile her distance from the culture; Sally will come to realize she’s poisoned herself with vengeance. She is still rightfully hateful of the cruelties she has suffered, but she will realize she has allowed such wicked men to continue tormenting her by making her a crueler person. If Grey Sally is given a token from the Duke of Yellow, her color will return and she will again become a happy person. She will give gladly, the full Hand of Pentacles, Knave and Queen included, to whoever can arrange this situation.

If Grey Sally is helped and the Hand of Pentacles taken, she will return to a life of isolation and enjoyment of the wilderness. If the party ever asks for her, she will bring her wagon to them as quickly as she can, with fresh and pungent mushroom-curry stew brewing for the enjoyment of her friends.

Killing Grey Sally
If killed, none will take real notice or care. If killed with the Clewdites aware their viciousness has been noted, they will seek to reward and corrupt the party into their debt, so as to never speak again of their abuses of magic upon a young woman in the woods.

Next Up: Brian got a full time gig, so things are a bit backed up, I have many more cats mostly finished, as well as a Vagabond class for Dolmenwood, and an adventure scenario for ratlings.

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

OSE/BX: Cats of the Wildwood (1 of 2)

A patron requested type of cats, and as such I felt obliged to give cats a full treatment much like a very early article I wrote about Dogs for the Dolmenwood setting. I've recently found some of the hard copy items from my Wildwood Manuscripts project---which were lost when a previous computer caught fire---and so it felt only wise to begin building towards my own workings again. Pending no further calamity in my future, I do desire to get back into publishing; in this case periodical zines.


What follows are five breeds of cats for use in traditional occidental fantasy settings. They'd fit just fine in the Dolmenwood, the Midderlands, Great Lunden, or wherever forests, fields, and posh folk are abound. As cats are generally not assumed to be used as combat companions (unlike a dog might), they are intended to have the following statline:

AC 9, HD 1/2 (1hp), Att 1 x Natural Weapons (1d3-2), THAC0 19, MV 40' (25'), SV 16, ML 5, AL N, XP 5, NA Solitary or 1d3 (as Pets), 1d4+1 (as Feral Cats), 1d8+2 (as Alley Cats Pack).

Expect five more cats before the end of the week, as well as some additional visual randomizers and traits.




1. The Queensown cat is a menacing thing of plump chubby build, stubby legs, folded face, and a malicious desire to rip apart small beautiful things and impale their severed pieces upon any pointed edge it can find. Their mewing is said to sound cruel, like the jovial laughter of a powerful maiden who has just condemned a group of orphans to live out their lives inside an oven. Their fur coat is, however, exquisite, and the Queensown take joy in being festooned with ribbons or being carried about like a trophy. These kinder qualities make the Queensown the perfect cat for nobility, even though many would prefer the symbolism be lost to outside observers. 

They are generally of a nature to accept other, lesser, cats as part of their environment; as they tend to despise other Queensown cats. This complicates things as a Queensown will, generally, only ever seek to copulate with a Queensown; or rather they will only not prey upon the birthed litter that is born from union with another Queensown. They have a tendency to loudly meow when they sense the presence of the poor (how poor exactly, is comparative to the environment they dwell within), and to hiss when exposed to unpleasant smells. 

If left to its own devices, there is a 1-in-6 chance that the mangled impaled creature art created by a Queensown cat may contain a minor reagent, a minute faerie in grave agony, or be viewed as some sort of interesting objet d'art. 

2. The Digging Blathercat is an often feral, burrowing cat of scabrous naked hide, milky eyes, long legs, and radial ears which it folds over its face when engaged in digging. Though more common on the periphery of bogs, they have in recent years become more common in the filthy recesses of the urban sprawl; where they bury themselves in excrement and trash, feasting on the ample rats and vermin that might otherwise congregate therein. They are a talkative breed, honking and mewling to one another in what scholars to believe a relatively complex language used to determine the depth of pits and the stability of tunnels. Their paws have long, almost mole-like claws, with calloused webbing between their toes.

While not the most popular breed for keeping in ones home or around the farm (their burrows can ruin a field as badly as any marmot), they are held kindly by river-dwelling folk. Blathercats are reliable anglers, digging clever burrow traps on the edges of the water which inevitably trap many smell fish for their feeding pleasure; granting them a 2-in-6 chance of successfully hunting fish enough to feed their master when given time enough to dig and hunt. 

They take kindly to more rugged but caring individuals, namely those who can appreciate their often painful grooming rituals. Miners have attempted to make use of them to better sense gas deposits, but the cats do poorly in the cold dankness of a shaft. They disdain clothing for the most part, though can be made to wear outfits of baked clay and fronds, which are tolerable to their flesh.

3. Roosh Tabbies are a common sight on sailing ships, believed to bring good luck to sailors though primarily kept on due to their keen eyesight and playful violence when it comes to vermin. A Roosh Tabby is a long polydactl cat, able to sway with the turning of a boat, snake itself between the legs of sailors in cramped quarters, and using its extra fingers and toes to keep a firm grip on the deck of a ship. Their ears are small and floppy, often kept down to avoid the spray of sea water into their ears proper; one of the few things that seems to put them into a state of rage. They are reliably of calm nature when treated like another member of the crew and given the distance such a position allows for. They hate being held or grabbed, and they have no love for children; who more often than not, lack the proper respect for the cat.

Roosh Tabbies are skilled swimmers, though they only enjoy swimming in very specific situations. They have been observed leaping from high rocks or tree branches into warm, briny waters, swimming in circles and figure eights like a common otter, and then laying half-submerged on the beach. They don't seem to regard other cats as their peers, having much more in common with dogs; who they treat like lesser crewmen in need of a good thumping. 

In the event of someone falling overboard, a Roosh Tabby has been known to heroically leap and dive to save mortal man from the watery depths. In such a situation, a Roosh Tabby is able to move and swim at double speed, and to force itself to carry the drowning as though it were a STR 16 character. Rooshy Tabby are by no means suicidal in their heroics, and when they cannot save someone they tend to fall into deep depressing spells until next time they receive leave at a port.



4. Swaddled Wild Cats are cantankerous forest cats, more at home in the low taiga than they are in any civilized society. They are noted, primarily, for the long flaps of flesh between their forelimbs and rear limbs, which they use to ferment marking pheromones and to swaddle themselves and their young in the colder months. Their faces seem to be in near constant states of panic, their eyes are bugged out and wild, their mouth a mewling snarltoothed grump. They hunt small woodland rodents, birds, though they enjoy the taste of frog more than any other meat. They use a chewed paste of frog meat, left to ferment in their flaps, as a means of wooing mates in the wild; showing their talent as a hunter.

Swaddled Wild Cats can be trained and domesticated, but this will often lead to them putting other, fouler things, in their flaps to ferment. Though all versions possess a terrible stench, off-putting to most, but which can overwhelm nearly any other smell. Hunters have sometimes made use of these cats to help them travel through dangerous territories undetected; though none would call it a pleasant experience.

When domesticated, Swaddled Wild Cats enjoy the company of infants, who they will attempt to swaddle beneath their flaps and to attend to the grooming of. They tend to nestle in the smellier areas of barns or beneath a raised oven, clinging to corners so as to consolidate their heat.



5. Hobbleknobs, aka the Harlot's Knave Cat, aka the Goodie Guardian, is a thin cat with a peculiar knack for mangling the genitals of unshorn men. Depending on whoever is being asked, Hobbleknobs are either blessed servants of the True God who help defend the virtue of maidens; or they are familiars of the most cruel and bleak of witches. Physically they tend to be of greyish coloration, with smooth pelts and innocent childlike eyes. Their tails are short, and when they deign to, Hobbleknobs hobble about on two feet, bowing and lurching like a common drunk. Their forepaws possess two exceptionally sharp claws which come out to their fullest length when walking in this manner, and it is when these variables occur near a naked man with a bountiful pubic region, that it feels compelled to slash, claw, and carry off a penis.

Hobbleknobs universally, hate dwarfs. They seem to sense an innate desire all dwarfs possess to have beards, and this drives a Hobbleknob into a petty, screeching rage. They are kind, somehow, to all women regardless of demeanor or appearance; treating them as something to be assisted against the hirsute masculine. They are a popular pet among the owner of houses of ill repute as well as matron superiors; and there is reason to believe they may be part of the origin for "crazy cat ladies." Of course if a penis-haver does shave in that area, the Hobbleknob sees utterly uninterested in mutilation.

Hobbleknobs deal critical damage to hairy, unshorn men, on a range of 18-20; and they always leave behind a horrifying wound when attacking their favored area of attention. Despite all their violence, it should be noted they are perfectly fine with children and really only have an issue with men who aren't wearing trousers or some sort of covering.

I had to make one when I saw this picture. I had to.



Friday, April 12, 2019

OSE Weapons for Family Ties by Damage Dice for Dolmenwood

OSE Weapons for Family Ties by Damage Dice for Dolmenwood
In celebration of Necrotic Gnome’s gangbusters Old-School Essentials kickstarter, I’ve decided to put together a few listings of weapons or their equivalents from the tables found in the book. These items are spread out over damage dice, with a number of random items per category. These items can do well to compliment the results found in Wormskin 7, while also being more flavorful due to not having to worry about page space. Relatives are also important, as I’m all about that extra flavor; and a listing of which relative provided the item to you is at the bottom. Embrace the inanity of it all. This post will work best for making new characters and picking out their equipment. Also note, I do allow for a gun to be rolled up if you set your game in such a period; it is listed as a 12b, coming after a crossbow. 

Oddly enough, nothing is elfen listed below.


d4 Damage Weapons [d12]
1. Your [Relative]’s walking stick, from a time when walking holidays were common but equally arduous. [As club] 2. A fine cast-iron skillet, properly seasoned and damn near impossible to dent. Your [Relative] has used it to bash in a few skulls, though hopefully you won’t need it for that. [As club] 3. A dagger of curved longhorn ivory, allegedly won in some melee by your [Relative]. [As dagger] 4. A boar-sticking javelin that served your [Relative] well, never missed with it. Or so they said. [As javelin] 5. This gnarled oaken stave was given to your [Relative] by a hooded Watcher of the Wood, likely for some nefarious purpose. [As staff] 6. Your [Relative] claims this knife was almost plunged into their belly by pagan cultists, though that’s something of their catch-all excuse. [as dagger] 7. This long shaft of whalebone was sharpened and used for fishing when times were lean on the ship your [Relative] worked on some time ago. [As javelin] 8. This knotted, knobby, whorled piece of wood has served your [Relative] well; both in bashing knees and bashing heads. [As club.] 9. Your [Relative] stole this javelin from an athletic competition down past County Colm, back when they were competing in high-stakes hurling with High-Hankle. [As javelin.] 10. This dagger is all that’s left from your [Relative], as their compatriots claim they died stabbing and gutting some great beast with the blade; hateful and defiant to the end. [As dagger.] 11. Your [Relative] claims this crooked stave was blessed by a holy-man of “the Powers that Be” but it seems far more likely it was pilfered from some votive shrine. [As staff.] 12. Your [Relative] made this for you when you were very young, allegedly from the wood of a thunderstruck tree. You carved little emblems into it, and now you carry it with you to more violent means. [As staff.]

d6 Damage Weapons [d12]
1. Your [Relative]’s lucky hand axe from a few years spent working among the Woodcutter’s on the edge of the river. It an glide through wood like a knife through soft butter, if properly kept. [as hand axe] 2. This lance was discarded by a Knight of Brackenwold after a tournament bout they lost in disgrace. Your [Relative] picked it out of the mud as a souvenir. [As lance] 3. A fine yew longbow, well treated and kept-up from years of use, passed down to you now by your [Relative].[As long bow] 4. This shortbow was made from the precarious roots of an anklebrankle, and your [Relative] always loved to tell stories of tripping people before nocking an arrow to coerce them further. You took the bow primarily to shut them up. [As short bow] 5. Your [Relative] claims to have dug this old Goman short sword out of the muck of a river, hoping to sell it for a bit of coin. Nobody would buy it, everyone claims its haunted. You’ve never noticed anything ghastly about it. [As short sword.] 6. The Old Duke commissioned a number of swords for use against the rabblesome Goatlords who were, at the time, bucking their allegiance with the Brackenwolders. Your [Relative] came across it as a matter of service, though they never spoke further on that. [As short sword.] 7. Your [Relative] was for a time, an ally of the Lichwards of St. Faxis. This mace was a symbol of authority and service, a black polished truncheon with vague cruciform shape. [As mace.] 8. Dreams of a blue stone mace and endless laughter have long tormented your [Relative], and a week ago they were driven to madness. You heard laughter too, and it frightened you. You commissioned this mace to be plunged in molten salt to blue it; and in your hands it silences those whispering cackles in your head. [As mace.] 9. This spear was picked from a battlefield between the warring Goatlords by your [Relative], stained with gore and more than a few bodies impaled upon its length. Its point is of vicious barbed make. [As spear.] 10. Your [Relative], during a more dire time, worked as a resurrectionist. This great sledge has a claw on the back of its head, and it is allegedly a very useful tool for bashing apart wood and stone. [As warhammer.] 11. This hand axe has seen little use, both in war or in service to kindling. Your [Relative], layabout that they are, always kept it close enough to dissuade others from violence. They surely won’t miss it. [As hand axe.] 12a. A munitions grade crossbow, purchased off the back of a wagon from a quartermaster not entirely happy with his service to the Duke. Your [Relative] flayed the skin off their wrist and lost a finger once, having reloaded it improperly and suffering at the lash of the drawstring. [As crossbow] 12b. This arquebus from the gunnery works down past County Colm, made of banded iron and hard rosewood stock. A masterclass in efficient design, your [Relative] considers it to be a waste of money and hasn’t said a kind word about you since you bought it. [As crossbow]

d8 Damage Weapons [d12]
1. A battle axe from the armory of House Nodwick, offered as a dowry to your [Relative]. The relationship was spurned, and the weapon never returned. It is of superior, noble, make. [As battle axe.] 2. This flask of pungent oil was purchased by your [Relative] and left to obscurity in the cellar for several years. A painted label of red fruit and flames upon it speak to a perfidious purpose if properly used. [As oil flask, burning.] 3. This sword once belonged to an infamous hedge knight, their mark of service is marred into the pommel though your [Relative] took great efforts in clawing it into obscurity with a chisel. They’d rather you sell it for scrap, though it rouses the question as to why they hadn’t done that themselves? [As sword.] 4. A glass jar with an off-yellow liquid inside, floating within it are some sort of cultured mould. It is labelled “the Shantywood Special” and your [Relative] laughs, then feels great shame, when they’re asked what that’s supposed to mean. It is corrosive, like acid. [As holy water, but certainly not. If moved into a different flask the aeration makes it just moot, vinergary goop.] 5. Bottle of cultured truffle oil from the Pook’s Way Taphouse, it smells divine and greatly increases the flavor of anything it is added to. Highly flammable and sticky; an expensive flask of burning oil, but one which will smell lovely. A Saint’s Day gift from [Relative]. [As oil flask, burning.] 6. A clay cruciform canteen, blessed by the Bishop Sanguine upon a feasting day mass and passed down to you from your [Relative] who hopes to see you keep it safe and pass it down to your own children someday. 7. Your [Relative] was run through with this blade, delivered in agonizing cruelty by a brigand from the wood. They fled from your anger, and all that is left from that terrible night is memories of loss, a hastily dug grave, and this blade which must be returned in kind. [As sword.] 8. In a better life you could’ve been a proper blacksmith, an apprentice to your [Relative] who saw talent in you. Enough to enter a competition in blademaking. Enough to lose to Jorye, that lucky Lankshorn bastard. Enough for your [Relative] to fall heavily to the bottle in disgrace. You made this sword together, it should mean something more than humiliation. [As sword.] 9. Your [Relative] was an executioner, a shameful position that they were forced into after debts and losses to a noble house. They’ve recently managed to buy themselves out of this title, but that derelict axe still hungers. [As battle axe.] 10. As a child you and [Relative] would play fight with “swords” made from the brittle branches that fell in autumn; you always got the better of them, though they might’ve let you win. This blade you own was a gift from them, they hope you will cherish it, they fear it will lead to your death… [As sword] 11. This battle axe came from a time when your [Relative] thought they could be a proper kern and serve for sake of liberating their peers from foreign encroachment by the Mad Queen’s lineage. The way distant nobles were so quick to lick her boot and how it led to their masters doing so in spirit, disenfranchised your [Relative]. Use this axe for freedom, for chaos against bloody Havenland and its peoples. [As battle axe.] 12. This wicked sword was found by your [Relative] by one of the standing stones in the wood. It thrummed, almost calling to them, it whispered your name in a guttural tone. The blade is chalky to the touch, tarnished with a strange oil. It is swift when swung, but no mark of enchantment appears upon it. [As sword.]

d10 Damage Weapons [d6]
1. A wavy flamberge style sword, brought back by your [Relative] whilst they fought in foreign lands. They came back touched and distant, and you taking the sword away brought them a small, sad comfort. [As two-handed sword.] 2. A cruciform-hilted claymore, allegedly an ancestral artifact of early cooperation between your family and the Church of the One True God. Heavy is its weight, both in history and in the lopping of heads. [As two-handed sword.] 3. This sword has brought kinstrife between your family members for years, it was last seen in the hands of your [Relative] as they came for you, accusing you of crimes both real and imagined. It is in your hands now, and you feel no magical compulsion to kinstrife or kinslay; but you feel a fear that it might come upon you; or anyone else who might take up this blade. [As two-handed sword.] 4. A halbred brought from the Havenlands by one of the Queen’s beef fed royal guards. He was brought low by mercenaries gone gallowglass, and the fine weapon found itself in your possession by way of your [relative] to whom they owed back pay. [As polearm] 5. Your [Relative] killed one of Lord Ramius’s longhorn retainers in a duel of honor; how they found themselves in that is a matter of contention and debate. Equally so is how they won. This bec de corbin was looted from the corpse of the goatman knight, and its metal’s twilight violet gleam speak to its value. Surely someone will come for it, and as your [relative] is bedraggled with paranoia, it is now your burden. [As polearm.] 6. This glaive is poorly shaped, having been used by your [relative] as a gondola whilst they plied smuggler work on the Lac. Some parts of its rust will never come clean, and its certainly seen better days; but what matters is that it is yours now and you won’t treat it so poorly. [As pole-arm.]

Relative [d20]
1. Father
2. Mother
3. Uncle
4. Aunt
5. Grandfather
6. Grandmother
7. Great-Grandmother
8. Great-Grandfather
9. Cousin
10. Romantic Partner
11. Bastard Cousin
12. Elder Brother
13. Elder Sister
14. Great Aunt
15. Great Uncle
16. Bastard Sibling
17. Nana
18. Great-Grandparent's Nurse
19. Spouse
20. Ex-Spouse This post works well in tandem with this previous post: Names & Family Foundings.

OSE/BX: Cats of the Wildwood (2 of 2)

A continuation of the previous article; five more cats, and some further randomization listings for making them unique. The statistic line f...